The Business of Being Dad with Rob Rohde

#053: Creating a Lasting Legacy with Jonathan Guerrero

• Rob Rohde l The Single Father Coach • Episode 53

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In this episode of Business of Being Dad, Jonathan Guerrero shares his journey from a fatherless upbringing to being an intentional and present father, highlighting the importance of connecting deeply with children through presence, vulnerability, and modeling positive behaviors.

Overview:
In Episode 53, Rob Rohde interviews Jonathan Guerrero, the host of The Fatherhood Challenge. Jonathan, a father of two boys, discusses his path to fatherhood, the challenges he faced growing up without a father, and how he strives to be a positive and impactful presence in his sons' lives. The conversation delves into practical ways fathers can connect with their children, the differences in raising boys and girls, and the critical role of modeling behavior for future generations.

Key Points:

  1. Navigating Fatherhood Without a Role Model: Jonathan shares his initial fears and joys about becoming a father, given his own fatherless upbringing, and how he overcame those challenges.
  2. Intentional Connection and Communication: Emphasizing the importance of spending quality time in a child’s world, Jonathan discusses effective ways to bond and communicate with children, especially through eye contact and active listening.
  3. Modeling Positive Behavior: Highlighting the significance of setting a positive example, Jonathan talks about the impact of demonstrating responsibility, handling mistakes, and maintaining respectful interactions.

What to Expect:
Listeners can expect an engaging discussion that provides valuable insights into the dynamics of fatherhood, especially for single fathers. Jonathan Guerrero's experiences and advice on being an intentional and present father offer practical tips for fostering meaningful connections with children and modeling behaviors that build character and confidence.

Guest Links:


Rob Rohde l The Business of Being Dad
Visit Rob Rohde LLC
Connect with Rob on LinkedIn
To learn more about The Thriving Dad, book your FREE CALL with Rob here.

Rob Rohde:

You are listening to the Business of Being Dad. Get ready as we delve into the world of fatherhood, leadership and legacy. I'm Rob Rohde, your humble host and fellow single father, and I'm so excited you're here to join us. This podcast was intentionally designed for you, men who believe they're destined for greatness, those who never settle for excuses but instead take meaningful action, and individuals who reject the notion of being ordinary. We're here for the ones who understand that being a phenomenal leader goes hand in hand with being an exceptional father. Why? Because we believe in you. We believe you hold the power to shape your identity as a man, a father and a leader. We believe you are the architect of your future and you get to determine the impact and legacy you'll leave behind. So get ready to explore the depths of personal growth, strengthen family bonds and create a legacy that resonates through time. Together, we'll rise, inspire and change. Let's get started. Rise, inspire and change. Let's get started. Well, hello everyone.

Rob Rohde:

This is episode 53 of the Business of Being Dad, the podcast dedicated to help single fathers build amazing relationships with their kids without having to give up their career or dreams in the process. Welcome in and thank you for being here Today. We will be joined by special guest, jonathan Guerrero. Jonathan is the father of two boys and he is also the producer and host of a weekly syndicated podcast called The Fatherhood Challenge. It was a privilege and honor to hang out with Jonathan, as we just chatted about all things parenthood. He is clearly passionate about the importance of fathers being active and present in their kids' lives and about connecting and leading your family with purpose, and I think you can just feel the energy as he shares his stories and experiences. So I'm excited to share this with you. So grab yourself a cup of coffee or your beverage of choice, settle in and let's get started. Jonathan, say hello to the Business of being Dad community and tell us a little about yourself.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Well, thank you so much for having me on the Fatherhood Chal or having me on the Business of being Dad. This is an honor to be here, an honor to be present with your audience. You're doing great things, and thank you so much for having me on. Yes, the Fatherhood Challenge is something I started a few years ago and still continues to this day. It started from just being a podcast to being a syndicated radio program and really a movement. A movement of connecting with dads, motivating, inspiring dads, building a community and really validating dads, which is something I feel that fathers really don't get enough of. Is that validation? So that's a big part of it. Um, in my spare time, one of my passions is music. I love to play the piano, I love to play the cello, and that becomes a fun family activity that we all enjoy doing. That brings us together.

Rob Rohde:

Awesome. So you are a man of many talents and a man who's very busy. It sounds like. Well, let's jump in. So I always like to start by taking you back to when you first found out you were going to be a father. So what was going on inside your head? What were you feeling?

Jonathan Guerrero:

Oh, a mixture of joy and a mixture of terror. I grew up in a fatherless home, a single parent home. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I met my dad for the first time. So the idea of being a father for the first time, I was excited about it. I wanted to be a father. So this wasn't really a surprise. This was something I wanted to do. This wasn't really a surprise. This was something I wanted to do. But there was always this lurking fear or this lurking terror in my mind of how am I supposed to do this when I never actually had an example of what this is supposed to look like and how this is supposed to work? So that bothered me a lot.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Um, and I remember on one of the trips, when I got to hang out with my dad for a little bit, um, my wife stayed behind. We, I went to Oregon. I flew to Oregon to go hang out with my family, another part of my family. I found out I had two uncles and I had three cousins in Oregon that I'd never met. So my wife and I took a trip together some years before she was pregnant. That was the first time. And then an opportunity opened up for me to fly to Oregon and hang out with them for a second time. So I was excited about that. But my wife was pregnant with our first child at the time and she did not want to take the chance of going on the flight.

Jonathan Guerrero:

So I flew by myself and I had a chance to just have some one-on-one time with my dad and I brought up my concerns about being a father for the first time and I was very curious of how he was going to respond to that and handle that. And and he just laughed and he said, oh, it'll be fine, the first year is going to be absolutely horrible. But you know, hey, just suck it up. If you can hang in there for that first year, I can promise you after that it gets to be absolutely horrible. But you know, hey, just suck it up. If you can hang in there for that first year, I can promise you after that it gets to be a lot of fun. So just get through that first year and you'll be fine. Oh, wow, that was his advice. I flew back home with that advice ringing in my head and in my ears and still feeling very insecure about being a father, but still still wanting, wanting to do it.

Rob Rohde:

First of all, thank you for your openness and sharing that story. It took a lot of courage for you to kind of have that conversation with him, even though you might not have gotten kind of the type of response that you were looking for, but you know what you were doing. I have recently heard it referred to as being a generational pioneer, where you are essentially taking the things that have happened and you are basically saying you know what. That's not how it's going to be for me. You know that's not how it's going to be for my family. I admire you for that, and so you have two sons, correct?

Jonathan Guerrero:

I do, as of the yeah as of this interview, one is nine and one is 12.

Rob Rohde:

Well, you know we live in a day and age where society likes to imply that everyone is the same, and you know that's simply not true. All you have to do is watch the way boys and girls play and communicate to know there are clear differences Not talking with other other men in this, in this field, who have sons, to just kind of hear about some of those differences. So tell me about some of the challenges but also the joys you have from raising boys.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Oh, there's a lot of joy in in just the fact that, uh, boys like the rough and tumble and and, uh, we have some really silly conversations in the vehicle when we're driving together. Um, I can't tell you how many times my wife has rolled her eyes, disassociated, tuned out, maybe blushed a little bit at some of the conversations that we have. We just have a lot of fun together. We have fun hanging out that we have. We just have a lot of fun together. We have fun hanging out. Um, yeah, the not just the rough play, but working on cars together, working on mechanical projects, building things together and sometimes just play. So all of those things are are a joy. But there's another part of it too, and that is I get a chance to give them an experience that I always wished I had but never got to have, and that's that's a. That is a joy in and of itself.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, yeah, you know you were talking about the car rides and some of the conversations and stuff like that, and I don't know what it is, but something about when we get our kids alone in a car or not necessarily alone, but in a car where they're confined to this space, it's just conversations start flowing, you know, we start hearing thoughts and feelings and there's just something about a car ride. You know, I've heard a lot of fathers who will use that as a way of connecting with their kids, where they will intentionally just go for a car ride with their kid, with their child, and just see where the conversation goes, and I've experienced that as well. But you also talked about some of the activities that you were doing.

Rob Rohde:

A lot of the activities that you were doing, a lot of the activities that you were doing, and what I'm hearing is that a lot of kind of side by side doing things, doing actions and doing activities together, where, for me, raising daughters, I mean we definitely love having fun together. I mean, when they were young, you know we wrestled around. We, you know we did all that type of stuff too. We were working in the yard, doing the garden, whatever. But nowadays, as they get older. It's really the kind of face to face as opposed to side by side type connection. You know, I think that's true for both boys and girls, but uh, that's just something I've noticed that's funny.

Jonathan Guerrero:

You say that I had a guest, and her name is Dr Michelle Canfield, and that was an unforgettable interview and that interview was about dads and daughters raising daughters and specifically, how dads can connect emotionally with their daughters, connect emotionally with their daughters and the advice. I mean, we talked about a range of things, but what really stuck with me, and I think was the center point of the interview, was this for dads and daughters, if you really want to connect with your daughter's heart, look her in the eye all the time. Um, and especially, do a lot of listening. But all the time, while you're listening and even while you're conversing with her, look her in the eye the whole time. And then the other thing, uh, seems almost like a given, almost like an obvious, except when you're in the heat of the moment sometimes. But the other thing is drop the anger when she does something that messes something else, something up that you were doing, that you think was thoughtless, that how could she not figure this out or understand this, and whatever it is that is just ticking you off and is just making you mad. Stop, get away, do what you have to do, but drop the anger Because, for whatever reason, a dad's anger is highly destructive to a girl, highly destructive and until that interview I never really pondered or understood just why that is or how could that be possible.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Is that a girl will instinctively pattern what her future mate, or who her future mate should be, based on her experience with her dad. If her dad was always losing his temper, was harsh with her all the time, um was always blaming her for stuff, never lifted her up, was always blaming her for stuff, never lifted her up, never took time to be in her world, Any of those things. If he neglected those things, she will look for an abusive partner. And in contrast to that, the opposite of that is when she knows not just from an inner knowing, but she knows from experience that she has a dad who always has her back, no matter what, and she feels that safety and she feels that security behind her at all times. All of a sudden it's okay to try things. All of a sudden it's okay to take on impossible challenges and tasks. My dad has my back, I'm going to be okay. He never loses his temper. He's always interested in what I'm doing, even if it's not something he's personally interested in, but he's always interested in what's going on in my world something he's personally interested in, but he's always interested in what's going on in my world.

Jonathan Guerrero:

There's going to be this confidence in her and she will build because of how her dad treats her. She'll build this inner respect for herself and she will insist on that respect from others, that respect from others, and she will only want a mate that has that treats her like her dad. Her dad becomes the standard for that. So that's a high benchmark. So, yeah, you want your daughter to to have someone good in her life. Start being that for her now, and that's what that means.

Jonathan Guerrero:

But, um, where I was originally trying to go with this was the parallel between daughters and sons, and it turns out the eye contact is also important for for boys too, and the reason why is, if you want one of the one of the characteristics and behaviors you want to instill in your sons is to look another person in the eye when you talk to them, that that conveys respect for one, it can convey authority, it can convey trust absolutely so if you're teaching your sons that, it might have a slightly different context and meaning across the board between daughters and sons, but it's still equally important.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, and you know, to put both parts of your response together and to kind of lead into the next thing I wanted to actually talk with you about is you are also in in doing that with your son and showing them and giving them that type of eye contact and teaching them that this is how you converse with someone, this is how you show someone respect. You are also essentially modeling for them and helping prepare them for later on in their life when they would be to enter into these relationships, for later on in their life when they would be to enter into these relationships, and you're teaching them the importance of that type of connecting through eye contact. Do you want to talk maybe a little bit more about kind of modeling the values that you really want your kids to live by?

Jonathan Guerrero:

I know we kind of started down that road. So let's, let's keep going with that. Yes, yes, uh. The one that was an obvious struggle for me early on, uh was, was the road rage. Uh, yeah, it was, uh it. It was bad for me for quite a while and, um, I can't tell you how many times, you know, someone would cut me off or someone would just do a bonehead maneuver and all kinds of things would would fly out of my mouth. That shouldn't have. Um, and my sons have witnessed me driving aggressively in anger, um, and they will say something about it. They have said something to me about that, and every time that happens, there's this voice inside my head that says is this the behavior that you want your sons to be modeling, right?

Rob Rohde:

That's a powerful question to ask yourself it is uh.

Jonathan Guerrero:

And so later on we end up having this conversation about what I did and why they shouldn't do that. Um, it's good for them to see that it's you know when for you to make mistakes, to make mistakes and things like that. It's even more important that, when those mistakes happen, that you talk about them, because what that says is, hey, I'm not perfect and you aren't either, and you won't be, and you're going to make mistakes just like that, maybe at some point in the future. But what they're looking at is not only not so much that you made the mistake, but they're this is another value pattern they're looking at how you handle things.

Jonathan Guerrero:

When you made a mistake, did you take responsibility for what you did? Did you own up to it? And, lastly, did you correct it? Yes, what was your plan to correct it? So, modeling those things imagine your son's going into a workplace situation with that sense of responsibility, or a business, or starting a business with that sense of ethics. Is that somebody that you would want to do business with or or work around, or or maybe promote into a higher position? So that's just one of one of so many areas, um, turning your sons into the citizens that you wish everybody else was Uh. And the only way that's going to happen is you got to do it. It's got to start with you, because that's how they learn.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, for sure. And you know I often talk about how, um and this. This is a little extreme, but I often talk about how. You know, our kids don't really care what we say. They watch what we do. And obviously that's not to to say that the words that we use can't hurt or uplift or build confidence or dam cause damage absolutely. But the point being is that our words are empty if they are not followed by actions and our kids watch.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, and I feel that they watch. I mean, I think we all know that intuitively. I think we know that our kids watch what we do and we see them modeling the behaviors we have. How many stories are there about a three-year-old who drops a swear word in the car? And you ask them where they heard that from? And where they heard it from was you and you know, and you know it just doesn't, it just doesn't fly anymore to say you know what you need to do this because I told you to, you know or you need to do this, and it doesn't apply to me also. You know I mean those types of behaviors and it doesn't apply to me also. You know I mean those types of behaviors.

Rob Rohde:

That type of that, that form of parenting, just does not make the type of impact that we want. I don't think that we get the result we're looking for if we take that model of parenting. That's not to say that there aren't times when we simply need our kids to do what we ask them to do in that moment, without a response to go with it, and then we can follow up and have that response later. Communication that we do makes a huge difference is in a father in particular, taking the time to admit his mistakes and ask for forgiveness. You know, not just recognizing that what they did was wrong, but also taking it that second step of asking for their child's forgiveness for the mistake that they made.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Oh yes, those will be unforgettable and the most impactful on their character. It isn't about being perfect. It's about taking responsibility, and asking for forgiveness is at the top of responsibility. Repairing, reconciling that relationship, taking responsibility for your part in causing whatever the destruction was, whatever the damage was, taking responsibility for your role in it and normalizing that response for your children, I think is a big part of that.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, and absolutely, and that is an act of of modeling a behavior that we want to see in our kids as well.

Jonathan Guerrero:

But the other thing I want to take this a step further to that that's popping in my mind and that is um examples. There's been times where even little things like um, watching a program on tv and I have I've had to turn off a few programs, sometimes even commercials, and explain to them that this isn't something I should be looking at, definitely isn't something I should be looking at, definitely isn't something you should be looking at as well, and this can also go across the board to daughters as well. If there's a scene where a woman is basically being is just being used and your daughters are watching TV with you in a scene or commercial comes up like that, uh, and you turn it off and then you turn. That's a perfect learning opportunity. Why did you turn that off? Okay, so let's have a conversation about your self-worth, about your value and why I turn that off, and what that has to do with you and who you are. Yeah, that will be an unforgettable conversation, yeah.

Rob Rohde:

Awesome. Well, in following you over the past several months, I know that you are passionate about fathers finding ways to intentionally connect with their kids, and so I would like to talk with our audience about what you think are some of the most effective ways for fathers to do this.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Yes, this is one of my favorite things. Uh, yes, uh, this is one of my favorite things. Um, the very first part of this is is a very intentional part, and that is getting to know your child, what, what really brings them joy, and that's obviously going to be different at different stages of their development and different ages through their life, but what you do, that never changes. It's always about spending enough time with your children to get to know them, what they enjoy, and then spending time in their world. Yes, it's okay to bring them into your world sometimes and broaden their horizons. That's always a good thing to do, but that shouldn't be your first instinct. First instinct should be to go into their world. That has powerful implications for connections.

Jonathan Guerrero:

The other thing is asking questions, asking a lot of questions about what's going on in their world. This is a very good thing to do, especially at bedtime. You know, what did you like about today? What did you struggle with today? What did you not like about it? About it? What do you think tomorrow is going to be like? What would you like it to be? Things like that. Those are great starter questions for bonding. The other thing is but you got to be careful with this one, and that is be vulnerable yourself. The reason why I say be careful is because what you don't want to do and this, I know, is going to be sometimes a challenge for a dad, maybe that's newly divorced and there's a lot emotionally going on there's a boundary, a firm boundary, between where you're being vulnerable and where you're dumping on your child.

Rob Rohde:

Yeah, absolutely.

Jonathan Guerrero:

They already have enough. Don't add to that. They are children, they're not adults, they're. It's. It's not their, their responsibility to carry that for you and that's where you know. It's a whole, nother discussion, but that's where therapy and all of that needs to happen for you, so you don't feel that need to go to your children and dump on your children.

Rob Rohde:

The way I often explain that is that we don't ever want to put our kids in a position where they feel like they have to take care of us. Yes, in particular. And that in the middle of, you know, dealing with the aftermath of a divorce, as you were talking about, yes, yes, that's perfectly talking about.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Yes, yes, that's perfectly worded, absolutely yeah. If you do that, then it frees you up, but the vulnerability is something that you want to do in the per and it has a purpose. The purpose and the vulnerability is opening up to your child and signaling your child that it is okay for you to open up, it is okay for you to cry, it is okay for you to tell me how you feel, however raw that might be. That's my job, that's what I'm here for. That's what I'm supposed to do is to absorb that for you, to take that for you. And so, asking those questions and there's so many opportunities to do that when you pick them up from school, there can be so much time there, um, and when you have those visitation times, definitely don't waste it. Your goal should be to make them feel like, like they are the center of your world, because it should be. It shouldn't be an act, it should be a real, a real thing that's happening there, and when you do that, when you take the time to do that, it is, it is unforgettable.

Jonathan Guerrero:

And the other thing is and this may also be a challenge, especially for someone who might be newly divorced and and that is this divorced and, and that is this. Do not make that time about the other parent. That time has nothing to do with with the other parent. This is your quality and that's just it quality time with your kid, and be prepared to do anything with them that they need.

Jonathan Guerrero:

And you might be tired, exhausted from not just whatever emotional stress that you have going on, but you might be physically tired from work everything. And your child wants to spend that quality time with you and all you want to do is nap or or go to bed early or kick off and do something fun that distracts you and makes you forget about your day, and you don't want to admit that, maybe not even to yourself or to your children. And this is where I tell you dig whatever you've got in you Like I hate to say it, but this is when you want to suck it up, this is when you want to go spend time with your children and when your body tells you um, I don't have much left in me, do it anyway. I can promise you that every single time I've done that, I have not had any regrets, and you you won't. It will be time worth spent and they will remember that.

Rob Rohde:

They absolutely will. And I went through a lot of that at different points in my journey shortly after my divorce and we were trying to figure everything out in the parenting time and all of that. I was working nights, I was working in health care for a flight team and so I'd have these kind of crazy hours at times and then I'd come home and it was my parenting time started and I might be exhausted and I'd have to try to sneak a nap in while the kids were still at school for a couple of hours or whatever that might be, while the kids were still at school for a couple of hours or whatever that might be. But I can tell you, nobody is ever going to look back at the time that they spent with their kids and regret it they will absolutely look back at the time that they spent.

Rob Rohde:

And I'm not saying we don't need to take care of ourselves. Obviously. I'm not saying we don't need to sleep, but I'm saying that our kids need a large quantity of quality time. But it starts with quantity and when we are single fathers and we have split custody and we have a limited amount of quantity, we need to maximize all of it to the best of our ability. And I think your point is well taken.

Jonathan Guerrero:

Thank you, Yours too. I love the way you explain that so clearly. They will not forget that time. The other thing is the lasting legacy. At some point they're going to be parents and all of these times, these quality times, are going to flash back and they can pick up on when things are difficult for you. They'll pick up on that and they'll pick up on the fact that you still spend time with them anyway.

Jonathan Guerrero:

So when it's time for them to be parents maybe you didn't have that, Like I didn't have that growing up and they will know that. How much more powerful of a legacy when they know that you didn't have that growing up. And they will know that how much more powerful of a legacy when they know that you didn't have that as a child, but you gave to them. And so in their mind, when it's time for them to be a parent, there's this thing in their mind that'll say I have no excuse. My dad was there for me and he didn't have anyone there for him. He broke a cycle. I had it good. I have no reason not to do the same with my own children and those. I think that brings our back to where we started and that is those values that you model yes, for sure, amazing.

Rob Rohde:

you know, jonathan, you have left us with some great takeaways, some real value bombs today, and so I just want to thank you for that. Before we wrap up, though, where can people go to find out more about you and the work that you're doing?

Jonathan Guerrero:

They can go to thefatherhoodchallengecom, that's thefatherhoodchhood challengecom, and on the website, uh, you can listen to any of the podcast episodes and connect with resources that might be helpful to you. Uh, and if you go to any of the major podcast distributors or podcast players like Spotify or Apple, if you look up the fatherhood challenge, uh, you'll see the logo there and you can catch up on any episodes that you might've missed. And, uh, and if you subscribe to it, uh, you can get notified when, whenever a new episode comes out. Uh, you can also find a community at the father challengecom on Facebook. So, if you look up, look it up on Facebook. Uh, under that name, you can also find me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

Rob Rohde:

Perfect. I will make sure that I link to all of those resources and sites in the show notes and as we wrap up. We are going to close by running you through three lightning round questions. Are you ready?

Jonathan Guerrero:

All right I think I'm ready.

Rob Rohde:

All right, let's do it In one word. What does being a father mean to you, legacy? I love it, all right.

Jonathan Guerrero:

You crushed the first one.

Rob Rohde:

So second one, if you could give the audience of single fathers one piece of advice single father's one piece of advice what would it be?

Jonathan Guerrero:

Time, Time. Spend every free second that you get with your children. Don't waste a single minute of it for any reason. You can't get that time back once it's gone. It only goes one direction.

Rob Rohde:

Excellent, I agree with that a hundred percent. Okay, the final lightning round question that we will close out with. So you are alone in a room with your kids. You have their undivided attention for 30 seconds. They actually have to listen to you. You can use that time to tell them anything you want. What would you say?

Jonathan Guerrero:

Oh, I love this question. I've had this conversation with both of my boys. One is I start out by telling them that they are loved. And the second is probably just as important, because it's true and it is. I've told them several times that they are not an accident. They are absolutely wanted, they were planned for and they were wanted. And I tell them as of this conversation and you can just plan on it the rest of your life you are continually wanted, you are always wanted, you are valuable in my eyes, in the eyes of others, and you have a purpose for being here on this planet, and without you there would be a huge empty hole that no one would be able to fill. And as long as I am alive, my job is to make sure that you are always loved, that you have what you need and that you feel okay and confident to go take on your challenge, to go take on the world, because you know I have your back, I will always have your back and you're going to be okay.

Rob Rohde:

I want to challenge you, listeners, as you go through this coming week, to just remember those words Jonathan just shared with us and to put them into practice. He said that fatherhood is about creating a legacy, and the most effective way to create that legacy is through time, through spending as much time with your children as you can and then, during that time, to make sure that, through your words and especially through your actions, that your kids know without a doubt that they are loved, they are wanted, they are valuable and they have a purpose. Jonathan, this was fantastic. Thank you so much. Thank you for joining us for the Business of being Dad podcast.

Rob Rohde:

If you found value in today's episode, I encourage you to share it with a friend who could benefit from our discussions on fatherhood, leadership and legacy. Together, let's build a community of like-minded men who embrace ownership, commit to growth and make an impact. And now, before we go, remember greatness is within your reach. So stay strong, stay focused and create your legacy. I'm Rob Brody and you've been listening to the Business of Being Dad, where fatherhood meets success. See you in the next episode.

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