The Business of Being Dad with Rob Rohde

#048: The 3 Essential Habits Every Father Needs

• Rob Rohde l The Single Father Coach • Episode 48

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Host Rob Rohde delves into three essential habits for single fathers to deepen their relationships with their kids.

Overview:
Rob Rohde, a single father of five daughters, shares insights and practical advice on nurturing stronger bonds with kids, regardless of family dynamics or children's ages.

Key Highlights:

  1. Daily Connection: Rob stresses the importance of intentional, daily interactions with children, highlighting personalized approaches for each child's unique preferences.
  2. Being Present: Rob discusses the habit of being physically, emotionally, and mentally present for children, underscoring the significance of creating distraction-free environments.
  3. Studying Your Kids: Rob encourages fathers to observe and understand their children deeply, emphasizing the value of listening, noticing nonverbal cues, and engaging in meaningful conversations.

What to Expect:
Listeners can expect actionable insights and practical strategies to enhance their relationships with their children, empowering them to foster deeper connections and lead with intention in their parenting journey.


Rob Rohde l The Business of Being Dad
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Rob Rohde:

You are listening to The Business of Being Dad. Get ready as we delve into the world of fatherhood, leadership and legacy. I'm Rob Rohde, your humble host and fellow single father, and I'm so excited you're here to join us. This podcast was intentionally designed for you, men who believe they're destined for greatness, those who never settle for excuses but instead take meaningful action, and individuals who reject the notion of being ordinary. We're here for the ones who understand that being a phenomenal leader goes hand in hand with being an exceptional father. Why? Because we believe in you. We believe you hold the power to shape your identity as a man, a father and a leader. We believe you are the architect of your future and you get to determine the impact and legacy you'll leave behind. So get ready to explore the depths of personal growth, strengthen family bonds and create a legacy that resonates through time. Together, we'll rise, inspire and change. Let's get started. Well, hey there. This is episode 48 of the Business of Being Dad, the podcast dedicated to help single fathers lead their families with impact and find fulfillment in every aspect of their lives. I'm your host, Rob Rohde, and I am here as a father myself, as a single father who understands your unique challenges, and I'm here to provide you with inspiration, support and practical guidance designed to help you thrive in your life as a single dad. I'm excited to be here, and I'm glad that you're here as well. I'm looking forward to this conversation because today it's all about relationships and specifically our relationships with our kids. If you are tuning into this show, then I already know how much your kids mean to you. I know that every one of us wants a better relationship with our kids. Some of us are struggling in that area. Some of us might be thriving, but most of us fall somewhere in between. Regardless of where you are today, this conversation is for you, because we all want a closer relationship with our kids. We all want to grow as fathers. So over the next few minutes, we're going to talk about three habits that every father needs if they want to improve their relationships with their kids. It doesn't matter if you're a married dad, a single dad, a stepdad, if you have a great relationship, solid relationships or fractured relationships, if your kids are young teens or adults. These principles still apply. These habits will allow you to connect on a deeper level with your kids and to improve your relationships with them. So let's get into it.

Rob Rohde:

Over the past month, we talked about the idea of leading your family with purpose and intention. We discussed the power of mindset and the crucial role that it plays in our overall success, and we discussed how to leverage proven business and leadership principles in our home lives to improve our effectiveness as fathers. Each of these topics built off the other, and it's a key piece of my coaching strategy when I work with clients, which brings us back to today's topic, an other key piece of my coaching strategy when I work with clients, which brings us back to today's topic. An other key ingredient of my strategy building deeper connections with our kids. Again, for those of you who don't know me, who are maybe just tuning in for the first time, I am a single dad of five daughters. For the last six years, I have raised my girls on my own. I've been able to build deep, meaningful relationships with each of them without having to sacrifice my career or my personal life in the process, and I did this by focusing on three habits from the beginning. Those are the same three habits I'm going to share with you today.

Rob Rohde:

Habit number one is daily connection. When I say daily connection, I am referring to making an intentional effort to engage with your kids on a regular basis, preferably on a daily basis, and that by making this a point of emphasis, we are committing to ourselves and to our kids the importance of having a good relationship with them. So it is as straightforward as this. It is important that we find a way to connect with our kids every single day. It's okay to keep it simple. The key is to be consistent. It simple the key is to be consistent. It can be something as simple and basic as a hug or a touch on their shoulder or looking at them directly into their eyes as you're having a conversation with them. It could be writing them a note, sending them a text, it could be asking them a question, or it could be sitting alongside them and sharing an experience.

Rob Rohde:

I have felt that an easy way to connect with my youngest daughter in a way that is special and meaningful to her is to play a game or to do a puzzle, to do something side by side with her in activity. Those are ways that she really likes to connect. For another one of my daughters ways that she really likes to connect. For another one of my daughters, it might be going out and going shopping or being in the car. Last summer we took a road trip looking at colleges and it was amazing during that long car ride how the conversation was just fluid and constantly flowing. She shared concerns that she had, she talked about her friendships, she shared things that she was thinking and fears in relation to going to college, and we had so many really good conversations. I guess there's just something about being trapped in the car with your dad that forces you to talk, but I know when we're not on a road trip, one way of connecting with her is to go out. She likes being active, she likes staying busy. So going out and going shopping or just like walking through a mall or something outdoors is a way to really connect with her. And then another one of my daughters if I want to connect with her, all I have to do is sit down and ask her a question. She will dive right into a conversation and we can connect kind of quickly and easily, no matter where we are or what we're doing.

Rob Rohde:

But the point is that it's unique to each person and so it's important for us to not just do things that are easy for us, but to look for ways of connecting with our kids in a way that is meaningful to them. But, I will say, the busier we get in our life as my kids are getting older now there are really two main ways that I try to connect with them on a daily basis or as often as possible, and both of them take less than 10 seconds. The first one is, each time that they leave the house, I try to stop what I'm doing, look at them directly, maybe touch their shoulder or give them a hug, and just let them know that I love them and I care about them. It's as simple as that. And the second way, often in the middle of the day, just sending them a text. Just something simple, maybe something that says hi, how you doing? I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi, I hope you're having a great day. My kids have come back to me and shared with me that those little simple, 10-second gestures over the years have made a big difference in their lives. Maybe they're having a rough day and just hearing that, seeing that text, kind of helps, bring them a little bit of encouragement or support, but at the very least it lets them know that I'm thinking about them, I care about them and they're on my mind.

Rob Rohde:

The second habit I'd like to share with you is the habit of being present, and I know what you're probably thinking. You're probably hearing this and you're thinking that's not a habit. Maybe being present's not a habit, but I disagree. It is in fact a habit and it's a necessary one. I have talked over and over again about how important it is for us to be present in our kids' lives as much as possible, to put a large sense of focus on the quantity of time that we are there and available for our kids, and absolutely quality time matters, but quality moments will never take place if we are not physically present, and the more often we are present, the more opportunity there is for these quality moments to take place.

Rob Rohde:

And so what does being present look like? To me, it's not just simply being physically present, although that is the first step. It also means being there mentally, emotionally, being distraction-free and creating an environment where your kids feel like you are available if they need you, if they need you. If I'm sitting there watching TV and my kids come up to me and I'm like looking around them to the TV and I'm distracted in my conversation with them. Are they going to feel like I'm present? Of course not. So being present doesn't mean that we can't be watching a ball game or watching a TV show or reading a book, but what it means is that we are physically there and we are setting aside time so that if our kids need us, or when our kids need us, we can set aside what we're doing, give them our attention.

Rob Rohde:

If you want to have a meaningful relationship with your kids, it starts with you being present Again. Just being there, with no distractions and not some underlying agenda. Just being there, and that allows our kids to feel safe and secure. And when we are present and our kids feel safe and secure, that's when those quality moments can naturally occur. My favorite way to do this these days is to literally block off time on my calendar every day to simply be present. Right now, I have an hour set aside each morning and two hours set aside each evening that I am not working, but I am physically there. It doesn't mean that I'm just sitting there twiddling my thumbs waiting for my kids to come up to me, but I have made it clear to them that if anything they need during those periods of time, they can interrupt whatever I might be doing and I'm available for them, and so that's what that looks like to me.

Rob Rohde:

So again, number two was creating a habit to be physically, emotionally and mentally present for our kids. So the third habit I'd like to share with you is the habit of studying your kids. I remember when I was ready to become a father for the first time and I had a conversation with an uncle of who I've been very close with my whole life, who is sort of a mentor to me, and I really respect him. I respect him as a father, I respect him as a man and I respect him as a leader, and I remember him sitting me down and saying you know what, Rob, I suggest that you really take time to just study your kids, to take time to really get to know them, to understand how one might be different from the other, and to really kind of just watch them and learn their behaviors, and learn their nonverbal cues and their unspoken words. He promised me that it would be one of the biggest and most important investments that I would ever make with my time is to take the time to do that, and I have to say to this day that is by far the best parenting advice I've ever received Study your kids.

Rob Rohde:

So what does this actually look like? Well, I'll tell you what it looks like to me. To me, it means focusing on learning and understanding my kids on a deeper level. It means committing to listen to them, without trying to fix their problems or to trying to offer them advice. It means watching their body and facial expressions, paying attention to their personality, looking for how they might behave and for signs when they are sad or when they are anxious, when they're happy and excited or maybe embarrassed. It means noticing signs of when they're tired or hungry or need to just move around and be active. It means learning how to engage my children. It means learning the questions I can ask them that will just cause them to jump into a conversation and break down their defenses. It means noticing when my child is struggling and also noticing when they're thriving. It's about sensing when something is wrong without them ever having to tell me.

Rob Rohde:

I believe that this is an extremely important habit that we can develop as fathers. That will make a major impact in our effectiveness as dads. But here's the thing each of these three habits builds off each other when we are physically, emotionally and mentally present, and we are looking for ways of connecting with our kids on a deeper level. This idea of studying their behaviors and their expressions will kind of come naturally. It all fits together. They all play off of each other, and embracing any one of those three habits will impact the other two as well.

Rob Rohde:

I encourage each of you to take a look at your own lives, Take a look at your relationships, your connections with your kids. What is one thing that you can do each day to connect with them? What is one change that you can make in your schedule in order to be more present? And what is one area of your kids' lives that you can really focus on trying to understand and study at the deepest possible level? Because when you incorporate these three habits, it is easier for you to build strong, meaningful relationships with your kids, because you are being intentional with your focus and you are aligning your values with your actions.

Rob Rohde:

So again, my challenge for you this week is to choose one of these habits and start implementing it today. It's okay to start small, to keep it simple, but I really encourage you to be consistent. Sometimes, when I'm starting something new, one way that I like to look at it is. I like to treat it like an experiment. Maybe you're hearing some of these things I'm saying and you're thinking to yourself well, that seems silly. Why would I do that? I don't know that that would work in my situation. If that's you, that's okay. I understand we are all different. Each of our situations is unique, but I'm going to challenge you anyway. I'm going to challenge you to treat this like an experiment, to choose one of these areas, focus on it every day for a full week and just take a look at the results. But the key is for us to take action and then monitor the results.

Rob Rohde:

So, as we wrap up this discussion on deepening connections with our kids, I just want to take a minute to thank you for being here. I know how important these relationships are to you. The relationship between a father and his children is one of the most important relationships he will ever have, and so I want to give you a high five for being here today and for listening to this and for taking it to heart, and then for taking action. This week, let's continue to prioritize our relationships with our kids, moving forward, knowing that each effort we make today is going to change our kids tomorrow. So here's to leading with intention, parenting with love and building stronger bonds with our kids.

Rob Rohde:

Take care, man. Thank you for joining us for the Business of Being Dad podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I encourage you to share it with a friend who could benefit from our discussions on fatherhood, leadership and legacy. Together, let's build a community of like-minded men who embrace ownership, commit to growth and make an impact. And now, before we go, remember greatness is within your reach. So stay strong, stay focused and create your legacy. I'm Rob Brody and you've been listening to The Business of Being Dad, where fatherhood meets success. See you in the next episode.

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